Spiritual Path

I'm on that path again - still looking for a higher power - still confused about what path to take. God, I've been on so many. Just when I think the Christian path is the one to take, I meet one that changes my mind or something happens that makes me wonder if there really is a God. Maybe we are just meant to die and there is nothing afterwards. Maybe there is a God and a Saviour as the Bible claims. What is it going to take to make me realize what path to take? For the most part, all my friends are Christian. Some to more extreme than others, but I love them all. I have a few Pagan friends, but I find them getting darker and darker. And one of them I could swear is evil from the inside out. Now that he is out of my life I haven't been fearful of opening up about religion. He really suffocated me. Where is the balance? Do I have to be the extreme Christian or can I be a balanced individual who simply loves God? I don't feel right being a Bible spouting, church activist. To be honest it drains me. But, I don't mind reading the Bible and going to church once a week. Do I understand the Bible? Sometimes. Other times? I would swear half of the people involved in the stories smoke some better stuff than I do. And see right there...is it a sin to think that way...people in the Bible smoking weed? My mind thinks these things. I can't stop it. It just happens. And now I've put it in my journal. Am I going to hell thinking things like that? Do I even believe in Hell? If I believe in the Bible, I have to believe in hell. How can God create something so awful? Why? Why can't people just be naturally good? Why do we have to struggle? Why can't life be perfect? Damn, maybe I should go smoke some more. Hmmmm? Actually, I should go read the Bible. It's got dust on it. I wish I could be as strong as people like Jeri, Millie and Heather. They are strong in their faith and nothing stops them. Not cancer, not financial worries, not their children being sick....NOTHING. It makes me think that Christianity is the way to go. But, each time I try, my life gets harder. What in the world is hindering me????

Roughly 17 More Hours To Go....

Well, it's been a glorious four-day weekend. But, isn't it funny how on the day before you're supposed to return to work, you get the blues? Not to mention is five more months until another state holiday. Thank God for plenty of vacation time but still. I've practically had a month off and I'm still vying for more vacation. Oh well. I could have a boring job, I suppose.

In the meantime, Cole's birthday is right around the corner and so is Valentine's day. I'm not in much a romantic mood at the moment but I suppose I better get that way before the big day hits. Who knows...maybe we might just have sex. Hmmmm....I won't hold my breath. Something has to give though. I'm hosting a pleasures party on the 29th. Maybe that will spark some interest.

Oh well...I suppose I should start preparing for my work week. Pfft.

Sigh...

Oh my. I can relate. Pfft.

Dreary Weather

Well, there's nothing going on here today except some dreary weather. You know? Makes you want to lie down for a long winter's nap. I'm fighting sleep right now. But, I have way too much to do. Well, clean, cook, wifely duties. Ugh. The husband is out working on expanding our sprinkler system since we've done so much landscaping. Not my cup of tea. I've been scrapbooking but I'm getting tired of that. So, I cleaned my bedroom and now I want to sleep LOL Wow. What a day.

The husband stayed up all night last night tending to a beef brisket in our smoker. He enjoys this type of thing. I, on the other hand, enjoy sleeping in my Tempurpedic bed. So, we parted ways after movies, pizza and beer.

Today has been spent doing necessities outside and around the house. Yes, our house owns us. But, it pays us back daily by being beautiful, sacred and whole. Ours is the house my husband's grandmother and great aunt and uncle lived in. They all died here. It's an interesting home. Full of memories, spirits and energy.

Tonight the beef brisket should be finished. Around 7:00. Cheryl is coming over. So are Mario and Joseph. Maybe we shall get inebriated on some Tequila Rose or quite possibly some Chardonnay. Could be an unforgetful evening. However, I went to a store in town where I found peach flavored blunt rolling papers. I know what I'm going to participate in.

Where Has The Week Gone?

Wow...it's been a while. Sorry. It's been a very busy, scattered week. My patients have been sicker than usual. On top of that, there have been social issues which have prevented me from helping a few of them with their medications. Now I have to ask the state for extra help. Cross your fingers. I need another vacation and I just had a three week hiatus. What's up with that?

The kids grades are still good. This is a positive FANTASTIC sign! They could be a bit better (like last semester Honor Roll)...but I'm only mildly pushing. He's hanging in there. We only have five more months before he graduates. I want to see a blowout year. The party I'm planning will show my pride and love. I'm so glad he's home.

Well, pizzas on the way so I must split. The husband and I are sitting down to a naughty LMC movie and pizza and beer. Yum. BBL.

Resolution vs. Resolutions

I've been thinking about my New Years' resolutions. Yes, resolution(S) - plural. Statistics say in order to achieve your resolution, you should start with a small goal. My goals are never small. They're always unobtainable LOL So, this year, I'm going to start small. Only two resolutions.

1. I pledge to keep the laundry current for the next 30 days.

2. I pledge to eat right and exercise for the next 30 days.

No one ever said that the new years' resolutions had to last ALL year, right?

Let's see what happens after 30 days...we shall meet again.