Still Going....

It's been approximately two weeks since I quit smoking. In those 14 days, I've probably smoked a pack of cigarettes; although in the past five days, I haven't smoked any. Yeah well, being in the hospital kinda hindered that. But, hopefully that has taken me over that major hump of the infamous "need." I can and will do this. Tra-la-la-la-la-...La-la-la-la.

I Quit!

It's been over 48 hours since I've had a cigarette. I started Chantix and I'm positive it's going to work. No side effects either. I was on the following website:

http://www.cancer.org/docroot/PED/content/PED_10_13X_Guide_for_Quitting_Smoking.asp

and found out what is happening to my body so far. See below:

• 20 minutes after quitting: Your heart rate and blood pressure drops.(Effect of Smoking on Arterial Stiffness and Pulse Pressure Amplification, Mahmud, A, Feely, J. 2003. Hypertension:41:183.)


• 12 hours after quitting: The carbon monoxide level in your blood drops to normal.(US Surgeon General's Report, 1988, p. 202)

I have to wait two weeks to three months before my circulation and lung function improve. But, I can do this.

As Eleanor Roosevelt said: You must do the things you think you cannot do.

So -- my official quit date is February 14, 2008 @ 1:30 p.m.

Don't You Feel This Way Sometimes?

Yes. It's been a bit. But, in all fairness, I've been very busy. Work has been hellish as usual. Some days I love it and some days I want to institutionalize myself. Is there ever a fair trade? The home life is settling down a bit. The husband and the son are at an even stand off right now. So, no sparks flying as of late. The son's grades are still good. He hasn't found a job yet, but that will come with time. Once he finds the job, he can drive. It's all up to him. He and I walked a mile tonight. It was fun. We shall do another tomorrow. Bonding is nice. My allergies are off the CHAIN! I see the good doc again tomorrow. One more time to try and get this right. And, of course, I had to run out of meds as of tonight. I re-filled them but forgot to pick them up. Oh well. What's another day of a snotty, congested nose? Pfft. Lots going on at work. Management is at odds right now. (sigh) I'm simply keeping my nose down. I applied for a management job today. I don't know why I did it. Well, yeah, I do know why I did it. 9,000 more. So, maybe there will be life altering changes in my very near future. Who knows?

Spiritual Path

I'm on that path again - still looking for a higher power - still confused about what path to take. God, I've been on so many. Just when I think the Christian path is the one to take, I meet one that changes my mind or something happens that makes me wonder if there really is a God. Maybe we are just meant to die and there is nothing afterwards. Maybe there is a God and a Saviour as the Bible claims. What is it going to take to make me realize what path to take? For the most part, all my friends are Christian. Some to more extreme than others, but I love them all. I have a few Pagan friends, but I find them getting darker and darker. And one of them I could swear is evil from the inside out. Now that he is out of my life I haven't been fearful of opening up about religion. He really suffocated me. Where is the balance? Do I have to be the extreme Christian or can I be a balanced individual who simply loves God? I don't feel right being a Bible spouting, church activist. To be honest it drains me. But, I don't mind reading the Bible and going to church once a week. Do I understand the Bible? Sometimes. Other times? I would swear half of the people involved in the stories smoke some better stuff than I do. And see right there...is it a sin to think that way...people in the Bible smoking weed? My mind thinks these things. I can't stop it. It just happens. And now I've put it in my journal. Am I going to hell thinking things like that? Do I even believe in Hell? If I believe in the Bible, I have to believe in hell. How can God create something so awful? Why? Why can't people just be naturally good? Why do we have to struggle? Why can't life be perfect? Damn, maybe I should go smoke some more. Hmmmm? Actually, I should go read the Bible. It's got dust on it. I wish I could be as strong as people like Jeri, Millie and Heather. They are strong in their faith and nothing stops them. Not cancer, not financial worries, not their children being sick....NOTHING. It makes me think that Christianity is the way to go. But, each time I try, my life gets harder. What in the world is hindering me????

Roughly 17 More Hours To Go....

Well, it's been a glorious four-day weekend. But, isn't it funny how on the day before you're supposed to return to work, you get the blues? Not to mention is five more months until another state holiday. Thank God for plenty of vacation time but still. I've practically had a month off and I'm still vying for more vacation. Oh well. I could have a boring job, I suppose.

In the meantime, Cole's birthday is right around the corner and so is Valentine's day. I'm not in much a romantic mood at the moment but I suppose I better get that way before the big day hits. Who knows...maybe we might just have sex. Hmmmm....I won't hold my breath. Something has to give though. I'm hosting a pleasures party on the 29th. Maybe that will spark some interest.

Oh well...I suppose I should start preparing for my work week. Pfft.

Sigh...

Oh my. I can relate. Pfft.

Dreary Weather

Well, there's nothing going on here today except some dreary weather. You know? Makes you want to lie down for a long winter's nap. I'm fighting sleep right now. But, I have way too much to do. Well, clean, cook, wifely duties. Ugh. The husband is out working on expanding our sprinkler system since we've done so much landscaping. Not my cup of tea. I've been scrapbooking but I'm getting tired of that. So, I cleaned my bedroom and now I want to sleep LOL Wow. What a day.