Spiritual Path

I'm on that path again - still looking for a higher power - still confused about what path to take. God, I've been on so many. Just when I think the Christian path is the one to take, I meet one that changes my mind or something happens that makes me wonder if there really is a God. Maybe we are just meant to die and there is nothing afterwards. Maybe there is a God and a Saviour as the Bible claims. What is it going to take to make me realize what path to take? For the most part, all my friends are Christian. Some to more extreme than others, but I love them all. I have a few Pagan friends, but I find them getting darker and darker. And one of them I could swear is evil from the inside out. Now that he is out of my life I haven't been fearful of opening up about religion. He really suffocated me. Where is the balance? Do I have to be the extreme Christian or can I be a balanced individual who simply loves God? I don't feel right being a Bible spouting, church activist. To be honest it drains me. But, I don't mind reading the Bible and going to church once a week. Do I understand the Bible? Sometimes. Other times? I would swear half of the people involved in the stories smoke some better stuff than I do. And see right there...is it a sin to think that way...people in the Bible smoking weed? My mind thinks these things. I can't stop it. It just happens. And now I've put it in my journal. Am I going to hell thinking things like that? Do I even believe in Hell? If I believe in the Bible, I have to believe in hell. How can God create something so awful? Why? Why can't people just be naturally good? Why do we have to struggle? Why can't life be perfect? Damn, maybe I should go smoke some more. Hmmmm? Actually, I should go read the Bible. It's got dust on it. I wish I could be as strong as people like Jeri, Millie and Heather. They are strong in their faith and nothing stops them. Not cancer, not financial worries, not their children being sick....NOTHING. It makes me think that Christianity is the way to go. But, each time I try, my life gets harder. What in the world is hindering me????

Roughly 17 More Hours To Go....

Well, it's been a glorious four-day weekend. But, isn't it funny how on the day before you're supposed to return to work, you get the blues? Not to mention is five more months until another state holiday. Thank God for plenty of vacation time but still. I've practically had a month off and I'm still vying for more vacation. Oh well. I could have a boring job, I suppose.

In the meantime, Cole's birthday is right around the corner and so is Valentine's day. I'm not in much a romantic mood at the moment but I suppose I better get that way before the big day hits. Who knows...maybe we might just have sex. Hmmmm....I won't hold my breath. Something has to give though. I'm hosting a pleasures party on the 29th. Maybe that will spark some interest.

Oh well...I suppose I should start preparing for my work week. Pfft.

Sigh...

Oh my. I can relate. Pfft.

Dreary Weather

Well, there's nothing going on here today except some dreary weather. You know? Makes you want to lie down for a long winter's nap. I'm fighting sleep right now. But, I have way too much to do. Well, clean, cook, wifely duties. Ugh. The husband is out working on expanding our sprinkler system since we've done so much landscaping. Not my cup of tea. I've been scrapbooking but I'm getting tired of that. So, I cleaned my bedroom and now I want to sleep LOL Wow. What a day.

The husband stayed up all night last night tending to a beef brisket in our smoker. He enjoys this type of thing. I, on the other hand, enjoy sleeping in my Tempurpedic bed. So, we parted ways after movies, pizza and beer.

Today has been spent doing necessities outside and around the house. Yes, our house owns us. But, it pays us back daily by being beautiful, sacred and whole. Ours is the house my husband's grandmother and great aunt and uncle lived in. They all died here. It's an interesting home. Full of memories, spirits and energy.

Tonight the beef brisket should be finished. Around 7:00. Cheryl is coming over. So are Mario and Joseph. Maybe we shall get inebriated on some Tequila Rose or quite possibly some Chardonnay. Could be an unforgetful evening. However, I went to a store in town where I found peach flavored blunt rolling papers. I know what I'm going to participate in.

Where Has The Week Gone?

Wow...it's been a while. Sorry. It's been a very busy, scattered week. My patients have been sicker than usual. On top of that, there have been social issues which have prevented me from helping a few of them with their medications. Now I have to ask the state for extra help. Cross your fingers. I need another vacation and I just had a three week hiatus. What's up with that?

The kids grades are still good. This is a positive FANTASTIC sign! They could be a bit better (like last semester Honor Roll)...but I'm only mildly pushing. He's hanging in there. We only have five more months before he graduates. I want to see a blowout year. The party I'm planning will show my pride and love. I'm so glad he's home.

Well, pizzas on the way so I must split. The husband and I are sitting down to a naughty LMC movie and pizza and beer. Yum. BBL.

Resolution vs. Resolutions

I've been thinking about my New Years' resolutions. Yes, resolution(S) - plural. Statistics say in order to achieve your resolution, you should start with a small goal. My goals are never small. They're always unobtainable LOL So, this year, I'm going to start small. Only two resolutions.

1. I pledge to keep the laundry current for the next 30 days.

2. I pledge to eat right and exercise for the next 30 days.

No one ever said that the new years' resolutions had to last ALL year, right?

Let's see what happens after 30 days...we shall meet again.

Best Friends

My best friend caught her boyfriend hanging out in a bar with his wife, from whom he's supposedly separated for ten months. God, it's a long story. But, it's on my mind and I wish it would go away. I have to keep remembering that it's not my bag of shit to carry around. I have to be honest though and maybe others should think less of me...but, I'd been hoping she would find him with his wife or another woman. Not that I want to see my best friend end up hurt. Never. But, I absolutely cannot tolerate this man. He's the furthest thing from a gentleman and lacks character and morals. Oh he may be a division director in a government setting and have the vocabulary of a college English professor, but that doesn't mean he's a good person. He uses her at every opportunity he gets and gives her false hope for their relationship. She's such a beautiful person. Granted - she allows him to do this to her and I'm not sure that I could ever get her to understand how she's being used; but, I still wish she could find a decent person to be in her life, to take care of her and show her that love is out there and can be alive. I guess I'm spoiled. My husband is a gentleman. He's from the old school of relationships. Women are to be put on a pedestal and respected, spoiled and most of all loved to pieces! LOL So, listen up ladies. Chivalry is not dead. You don't deserve what these men are giving to you. There are men out there who know how to treat a woman. You just have to open your eyes to the bullshit and then push it away. Don't allow it in your life. You don't deserve it. If only Cheryl would see the truth. I haven't talked to her today to see what the outcome was of their chat after she caught him. But, unfortunately, I know all too well the end result. I'm sure he ended up in her bed, apologizing his ass off, and giving her a false sense of hope until the next time he gets caught again. Will she wake up then?

The New Motto for 2008! A Poem About Girlfriends...

Someone will always be prettier. Someone will always be smarter. Some of their houses will be bigger. Some will drive a better car. Their children will do better in school. And their husband will fix more things around the house. So let it go, and love you and your circumstances. Think about it! The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart. And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children. And the richest woman you know, she's got the car, the house, the clothes~~might be lonely.

And the word says, "If I have not Love, I am nothing." So, again, love you. Love who you are.

Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say,

"I am too Blessed to be Stressed and too Anointed to be Disappointed!" "

Winners make things happen~~ Losers let things happen."

Celebrations...

I live in the middle of acres upon acres of groves. Grapefruit, oranges, tangerines. And of course, situated in the groves will be migrant labor camps. Although our home is almost 90 years old and we were here first , there's a MLC not far from here. Close actually. I can't say that I mind. They're normally quiet, polite people and granted they are only here for the season. Tonight two of them have wed. In their front yard. In front of their mobile home. With red and white balloons EVERYWHERE. Weren't the balloons supposed to be orange, green and yellow? Oh, that's their heritage. Not the colors of love? And, yes, we have the classic Hispanic tunes. The same beat over and over again. The wooden floors of my OLD home reverbate with that same beat - again and again and again. And with this, I have to smile. Simply because it's a wedding. And they've opted to celebrate. In their own way. In front of their mobile home. But, dammit, they're celebrating. My husband asked me if we could crash the party. I told him I was afraid for his life if he chose to do so. I'm quite sure the music would stop reverbating if we were to crash their party. I do love a homemade tortilla though. Do you suppose they roasted a goat? Hmmmm...

2008 Is The Year to Smile

I dare you to laugh right now. Don't worry about those sitting around you. Just BUST out laughing.

Then, after you're done laughing, I dare you to tell me that you don't feel better.

All it takes is a smile or a laugh to brighten ones day.

Yesterday, I had a doctor's appointment. While in the waiting room, a very attractive UPS man made a delivery. When he opened the door, he looked directly at me and SMILED. This nice beaming smile. Of course it helped that he was very attractive, LOL, but dammit he smiled. And, as he left, he mentioned that I looked like I needed a smile. :) That simple smile brightened my day. So, I've decided 2008 is going to be the year to smile. SMILE. Smile.